First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
