I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
