I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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