I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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