that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
