Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
