4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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