Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
