WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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