You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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