Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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