Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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