Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
