I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
