I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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