I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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