like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
