Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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