You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
