we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
