cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
