Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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