I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
