But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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