I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
