Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
sarcasm needs its own font
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
