i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
