I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
