how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
