All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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