don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
