i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
