Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
