My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
