even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
