I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I faked an abortion last night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
