well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
