you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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