You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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