Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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