I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
