In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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