I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
