She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
