U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
