its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
