im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
