Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
