Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
