you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize