I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
