you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
