why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
