That's when you crack a 10am beer
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
