We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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