I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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