the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
