my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
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