I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
