ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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