I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
