i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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