and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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