why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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