Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
