a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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