I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize