You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
