i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
