How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize