So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
