Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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