Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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