If i come over, it means nothing
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
