sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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