I faked an abortion last night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
