i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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